A Sweet Silence or Bitter Love?
by cozimbatman
Summary: Sophie has a very important questions for Howl, but how will he answer?
1. Chapter 1

**I must admit my first story was terrible, after reading it after it was published I was sadly disappointed. But practice makes perfect! So please don't give up on me! This story has a better plot than the last, so I hope *****crosses fingers***** that everyone will enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Howl's moving castle or its characters *****reaches for tissues*******

* * *

The sunshine managed to peaks its way through the drawn curtains, waking a sleeping Howl, he groaned, flinging his arms out beside him, stretching his stiff limbs. Sophie's side of the bed was empty, her side of the blanket was pulled up under her pillow making a half made bed. He jumped out of bed, slipping on his black trousers and tying up his flowing white shirt, hastily pulling his half of the blanket under his pillow. He bounded down the staircase to the kitchen, Calcifer was buzzing around the bench tops, most likely scanning for egg shells, Markl was devouring a towering plate of bacon and eggs and Sophie was reading a book, he grinned widely at his family.

"Good morning" Sophie said sweetly looking up from her book, although her face looked as sweet as ever, there was something about her that seemed different from usual; she looked vague as if she was worrying about something. She noticed his odd gaze and hurriedly picked up her empty plate and teacup and set them on the bench, leaving her book on the table. Markl looked up from his plate and made a gargling sound that almost seemed like a good morning but with a mouth stuffed full of bacon, Howl ignored him he had Sophie to worry about. He walked over to her; she was awkwardly filling the basin with hot water avoiding his gaze.

He stood close behind her, she smelt like ripe strawberries, she always found a way to smell delicious "Sophie, what's wrong" he asked her so only she could here, by this time Calcifer had nestled himself back into his heath on the other side of the kitchen, suddenly she dropped a pot into the hot water, splashing herself.

"Nothing, I'm fine completely fine" she turned her head and smiled up at him, a not very convincing one at that, she rung out the water from her dress. He picked up a cloth and started drying her, shaking his head.

"I'm not convinced" he exclaimed in a whisper, a surprised look crossed her face; he threw the cloth onto the bench and grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her into the yard shutting the door behind him, she stumbled on.

"Howl…what's going on" she asked shocked. When they were a reasonable distance from the house he let go of her wrist, stopped and turned around, an eyebrow raised and his bright blue eyes pinned on her.

"When something is wrong with you I want you to tell me, not just shrug it off, so just spit it out" he demanded, he looked down at her, her large chocolate brown eyes looked away, and she turned her head to the side letting her silver hair fall further over her cheeks, tears started to well up in the corners of her earnest eyes, her bottom lip quivered, as she tried to blink away the tears nervously from her eyes, Howl's heart shattered in his chest, he hated seeing her like this, what had he done, her face flushed red with distress and embarrassment.

**** _*flash back*_

~Sophie~

_Sophie awoke abruptly from yet another bad dream, she gasped for air, sweat running down her forehead, her stomach churned with unease as she bit back tears, she breathed in deeply, __**Keep calm**__, she ordered herself silently, __**it's just a dream**__. To her surprise Howl sat up hurriedly in the bed, she thought he was asleep. He leant forward concern in his eyes._

"_Sophie are you ok?" he asked her with apprehension "you look terrified", he put his hands on her shoulders, she smiled halfheartedly._

"_Oh I am fine, just another bad dream" she reassured him, he raised his eyebrow._

"_You promise?" _

"_I promise" she smiled up at him_

_They sat in silence, his hands still on her shoulders, she looked up to find him staring down on her face, his lips turned slightly revealing a small but genuine smile, his eyes travelled from hers to her lips, than back up to her eyes, his smile widening. She blushed, putting her hands against his chest, his white shirt was draped open revealing a golden chiseled chest, he brushed his lips against hers, instantly diving in for the kiss, she responded avidly, his hands snaked down her body to her waist, not breaking from the kiss, she wrapped her arms around him, they continued to kiss fervidly, he tussled her silver hair sliding his left hand up her back and playing with the buttons, starting to un do them, she stopped immediately, letting go of him, blushing an even deeper shade of red, Howl looked shocked, he dropped his hands and slid himself away from her. He looked hurt, like she had said something awful. Sophie felt a twang of guilt._

"_Howl" she said pleadingly "It's not that I don't wa..." He shook his head._

"_It's fine Sophie" he answered peevishly "Goodnight", he bent towards her awkwardly pecking a kiss on her cheek, not looking her in the eyes. _

_He pulled the blanket over him, facing away from her. She sat still on the edge of the bed, shocked. What had she done, she didn't mean to stop, but she was nervous, very nervous. She buttoned up the back of her dress and carefully pulled the other side of the blanket over herself. She felt sick to her stomach, Howl and Sophie hardly ever fought, well they never had, but what was that, it wasn't a fight._

_~Howl~_

_He let his raven colored hair fall over his face, his chest felt empty, his face burned hot; he closed his eyes tight pretending to sleep. What had just happened? He asked himself silently, he was frustrated, with himself and Sophie, he had got ahead of himself, he couldn't help it, he wanted her, but she had completely left him in embarrassment, did she not want him? _

_He thought about it for what seemed like hours. But he couldn't blame her, he could never stay mad at her, he knew it wasn't her fault. Eventually he drifted off to sleep, he heard the soft breathing of Sophie asleep beside him and the question he desperately wanted to be answered, it played over and over in the back of his mind, mocking him._

_*End of flash back*_

She remembered that night so clearly, every detail, she looked at Howl through the strands of silver hair that covered her face like a curtain, tears still streaming, he stood still completely bemused. After that night Howl acted kindly, but it wasn't normal, occasionally he would kiss her cheek, sometimes he would hug her but ever since that night they were different. He had never told her what she needed to hear, she needed to know more than ever, the one question got her every time, it captured her, leaving no remorse.

Did Howl really love her?

Of course he always said "we love each other" or "it's for our love", always "our" never "I" never his own undivided, individual love, she longed for three words to escape his lips but they never did, Sophie loved Howl dutifully she only wished he felt the same. Of course they had shared romances but was that just lust, tears continued to fall from her eyes, she thought they would never stop, she felt sick to her stomach, her chest felt empty and her eyes burned.

Howl stood in shock, _what have I done, I must have done something, to make her this way_; he silently accused himself.

"Sophie, I.." he stopped when he saw, Tears streaming down her face, staining her pure skin, he bent down his head to get a better look at her, lifting his hand to her face; he wiped the tears from her cheek, but she shook her head, he dropped his hand. She took in a deep breath and finally revealed her face from under her thick strands of starlight hair, he looked into her iridescent chocolate brown eyes, her lips still quivering, he braced himself for what she was about to say, whatever it was. It seemed an eternity before she gathered up the courage to speak.

"Do you love me?" she asked, her voice shaking tautly, a steely tone masked her voice, tears glazing her wide eyes.

Howl's heart didn't shatter; it burned in agony in his chest. He stuttered for the right words, but he couldn't speak, they stood in silence, agonizing silence.

* * *

**Sorry for the long flash back in the middle of the chapter, but eh it was needed, :) Thank you for the anonymous reviews; ****whattsuppussycat and bobsledteam, I wanted to reply to your reviews but couldn't :( but thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am sorry everybody for such a late delay on the second chapter, my laptop broke and I had to try and get it fixed but it's still an old dinosaur :/ Anyways this chapter is pretty cool because some of it is from Markl's POV which has never happened, so anyway enjoy :) And please review! Disclaimer: I do not own Howl's Moving Castle or its characters, that's depressing :(**

Sophie's words played over and over in his head, how could she even ask him that? He had loved her unconditionally he thought she knew that...

..Unless she was afraid, afraid that she would be the subject of Howl's love, was she afraid that Howl the monster loved her? _That must be it, that's why she acted like this, she is scared that I love her _he thought.

"Why would I love you" he spoke darkly his voice like fire

He can't believe he even managed such a harsh tone toward Sophie, he hated himself for it.

He composed himself of what dignity he had left, trying as hard as he could to hide the sorrow that had overcome him.

"Is this love? That is not what I would call it!" Howl spat at her, disguising his devastation with deep sarcasm, every word bit at his heart, it was like trying to unlearn something he had mastered.

He watched her as her face drained of all color, her lips quivered, and tears streamed more furiously than before, her legs shook, no longer able to hold her, she collapsed on the ground, her hair covering her as she cried behind it.

Now completely bemused Howl watched Sophie cry, unable to help her.

"S-soph.." he whispered barely audible, he reached for her but stopped himself, _no Howl she doesn't love you, give her what she wants.  
_  
Howl swiftly turned himself on his heel and took off in the opposite direction of Sophie still crying on the ground.

~Sophie~

Sophie peeked from beneath her silver curtain of hair only to the see the man she loved fleeting away from her. Howl jumped onto the cobblestone wall on the other side of the lawn. With the loud ruffling of feathers Howl transformed into the black feathered bird like version of himself, without looking back he plunged off the wall, taking off through the skies.

She continued to cry on the lawn, not counting the seconds, the minutes or the time at all, right now nothing mattered to young Sophie Hatter, her life had started to fall apart right before her eyes and all she could do was cry, because she couldn't stand, her legs just wouldn't move.

*Markl*

Markl had watched Howl leave Sophie on the lawn helpless; he had watched as transformed into a bird like copy of himself and flies away leaving his love crying, heaped on the ground. He couldn't move, he just didn't believe what had happen, he looked at Calcifer who had the same problem, and he floated idly above the heath staring out the window. Markl un-rooted himself from the ground and pushed the door open and ran down the lawn to the emotional mess that was Sophie. He kneeled down next to her, holding her hand, she did not look at him,

"Sophie? Are you ok?" He whispered very quietly, although he knew she wasn't it was all he could think of, she didn't answer, he repeated himself several times still with the same result. Then he realized something, something horrible; _what if Sophie leaves _he thought, he squeezed her hand tight,

"You won't leave will you Sophie?" he asked her, sadness in his voice, but she didn't lift her head,

"Please don't leave me Sophie! I love you, you are like the mother I never had" he exclaimed, tears escaping from his eyes.

Sophie shifted suddenly and flung her arms around the sobbing Markl,

"I will never leave _you _Markl, not ever" she whispered in a shaky voice, he gulped and smiled weakly. They both sat on the lawn for a very long time, Markl holding tight to Sophie's sleeve and her arms wrapped tightly around his small body,

"I love you too"

*Sophie*

Sophie sat at the kitchen table, no longer sobbing, Markl stood next to her his small hand wrapped around hers. She wanted to be alone even just for an hour, but she couldn't leave Markl he still believed she would leave him forever. Calcifer hovered absently around the kitchen, he wasn't speaking either, and no one was.

No one spoke of Howl, but he was all anyone could think about but this time the thoughts were not good. Sophie bit back tears; she wanted to be strong for Markl. Even though Howl had treated her like he had, as if she were nothing she still wanted him, she still loved him and she hated herself for that.

*Howl*

Howl flew through the skies, faster than he had ever flown and angrier than he had ever been. He raced higher and higher until the air was so cold it bit at his wings and stung his face. He wanted to forget how to love but it was impossible, he wanted to forget about Sophie but that was an even harder task.

Sadness had overcome him, he wanted to leave, he wanted to fly away to a distant world, but he couldn't leave Markl or even Calcifer and even though he hated her with every fiber he couldn't leave Sophie. Images flashed through his mind as he flew through the clouds, he remembered when he had first laid eyes on Sophie; at that time she was very self conscious and shy but still beautiful, her hair was long and brown, even though she was born with brown hair Howl thought silver suited her better, he believed her thick silver locks was the hair she was meant to have.

He used to believe that it was fate, that they were meant to meet, but now he was questioning that too. He questioned if he was ever meant to be happy, he questioned that some unbelievable force of the unknown despised his happiness, and then it hit him as powerful as an impact of a train, it hit him; suddenly he understood, he had never felt as stupid as he felt right now. Without any hesitation he flew as fast as he could in the direction of the flying castle, but he couldn't see anything, soot colored clouds surrounded him, he didn't know which way was up or which was down, he just knew he was falling at an incredible rate with no way of stopping.

**Mwhaha I feel so evil stopping it right there, I love it, not so much the chapter because the writing sucks but I like the fact that I can have a third chapter, so don't worry there will be another chapter :) Oh and thanks everyone who reviewed, you're all so nice!**


End file.
